Executive communication often feels like it has a distinct flavor, and in particular cuts through tension and conflict in a firm, but respectful manner. When confronted with conflict, successful executives have a few characteristics:
- They dig deep to understand the root causes of the confrontation
- They ask for details to flesh out the story
They don’t take things personally, because they are on a hunt for the truth. They manage the situation and avoid further escalation by choosing their words carefully. They push for action based on the outcomes and don’t allow things to fester. Some common tactics they use:
- Ask for details
- Dig into ambiguity
- Summarise back
- Use insights to make their case
- Build momentum towards action
A𝘀𝗸 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘀
Ever seen someone from the C-suite ask ‘Can you give me some more information on that?’. When someone says something you don’t agree with, see this as an opportunity to learn. Be mindful that you may be missing information, and dig for more. Smile and say: “Tell me more about that” or “What leads you to that conclusion?”
Don’t
- Freeze up or react with anger or defensiveness
- Try to avoid starting a question with “Why … ?” which can sound judgemental.
Dig into ambiguity
People don’t always say what they mean. Lots of work disagreements aren’t explicit, and when they aren’t voiced, they can’t be resolved.
Unfortunately that doesn’t make them less real. Risks include: back channelling to other stakeholders, quiet quitting your project, withholding resources – all to avoid saying no to your face or airing their grievances.
How you can handle this:
- Create space for people to open up: if people don’t give you enthusiastic consent then note: “You don’t seem very enthusiastic about this” or ask “how enthusiastic are you about this on a scale of 1 to 10?”
- Gently nudge with the intent of getting them to share: “is everything ok?” / “how do you feel about this?”. Maybe they’re having a bad day, that’s fine, but don’t leave it to chance.
- Either way, ask them to make an explicit commitment. This dramatically increases the chances they will actually follow through: “Is this something you can commit to (even if you have reservations)?” / “Can rely on you to get this done?”
Summarise back
Spoken words are a low bandwidth way to communicate ideas. It’s easy to misunderstand people, especially on complex topics. Repeat back what you’ve heard regularly to check that you really understand what the other person is saying. This is MOST important when you disagree with them. If you can’t argue the other person’s point of view, you don’t really understand it.
Use insights to make their case
As well as hearing others out, you need to be able persuade others. In most settings, having an argument that stacks up logically goes a long way. You need to be very good at explaining simply what you think, and 𝘸𝘩𝘺 you think that. e.g.
“I think X, because of A, B and C”.
Be in command of the relevant data points and insights that persuaded you.
Build momentum towards action
It’s not enough to have the conversation. You’ve got to generate action. So when the decision is made, make that clear: “I’ve made my decision:” Then follow up with what it is, and why you’ve made it.
If the decision is someone else’s to make, then push them for it: “Ann, I think you need to make a call here”.
And if you do need more time, then make it clear when you will decide: “I need to reflect on this, but I’ll confirm my decision tomorrow”.
Never leave people in doubt about what is happening next, and confirm in writing if needs be.
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